Happy and Sad.......

Well, I am happy today as my friend Lesley and her family celebrate the birth of their daughter....how wonderful for them....what a joyfull event. But, the bigger half of me is angry, hurt, sad, jealous all in one. Is it ok for me to feel this way? I am jealous....more than I really realize I think. It really hurts my heart to try and be happy for someone who has something that I really want.....isnt that selfish? Isnt that a terrible thing to think and feel......I just want to be normal....I want to have children. And the more I think about it right now, the angrier I feel.....I guess I better not blog tonight.