Day 17 and waiting...

Ok.....day 17 is here, and my folicles are 15 and 16.....kinda small for day 17, but as long as they grow before the surge it's all good. My numbers really are not doing much at all right now. Still low.....in the 200's. Hopefully it'll have a good jump showing a really great surge and then we have a great fertilization and implantation and first trimester......ok........I think I am getting out of control....I guess I've got to think positive....right?! :)

A small glimmer of hope....small, but a glimmer none the less!

Well, we went to see our Doctor today. I wanted to meet with him and find out what his thoughts are on where we are at and what to do next. He was so positive....so full of hope for us, which was nice.

We are definately on the right track. He thinks we have my ovulation down pat, now we need to improve DH's sperm count. It's not bad, but the higher the better. So, DH is on some vitamins to help increase that. Also, the fact that I do ovulate, is good....really good....and the fact that I have gotten pregnant once is good.

So, I guess the moral of the story is we continue to move forward. We are taking steps in the right direction, and things are looking good according to the Doctor. So, that is where we are at. I feel a bit better today, but am still frustrated that it has taken this long. I just long for the day to hold our precious little one....I guess it'll come.

CD 10....What am I supposed to feel??

So, as you can see from the title, this is cycle day 10. I have to go in for blood work and ultrasound today. Ask me how I feel about this. Nervous. I just want this one to work, I just want it to be successful.

We do have an appointment with our doc tomorrow morning, just to discuss where we are at, what to do next if this round doesnt work. I need to have this appointment. I need to see what my chances are and what the reality is going forward. My mind has been drifting to a surrogate. The possibility of having someone else carry my child has been on my mind. Is being pregnant something I'm willing to give up in order to have a child? Is that bond one I am willing to go without? Will that affect my relationship with my child? Can we afford the cost of surrogacy? Can we find someone to carry our child who will likely end up pregnant the first time around? These are the questions that surround my mind on a daily basis.

It's no wonder I don't get a lot of sleep every night.

UGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So.....I am very frustrated!!! VERY FRUSTRATED!!! I have no real reason to be frustrated yet, and really no news.....I am just in a mood. I can't say too much on here, as I don't want to offend people, but I am just frustrated!

Why me???? Why wont it happen?? Am I being punnished for something? Is there no baby for me?? Is it not my destiny to have a child?? Why is this desire in me SO strong, and yet it is so challanging?? UGH!

I want to cry, scream, yell, be quiet, punch, curl up in bed and never get out and drink all at once! It is starting to hurt....the pain of all of this is starting to be too much for me to bare. WHY?????

Ok....so this is an honest post...what can I say?