Hmmmm.......

So....the season is almost over. Kinda sad. But, I survived. I guess that is important. As good of a time as it all was, Christmas eve was the hardest I think. The Christmas eve service at church was all about the blessed birth of Jesus. As good as that is, it was hard for me to be joyful when I had experienced the loss that I did earlier this month. But, again, I made it through. Every tuesday I look at my calander and think "oh, I would be 8 weeks today".....will that thought ever leave? Will I ever not think of what would have been? When do I get past these feelings of disappointment and hurt?

Well, for anyone who cares about the "process" I will update you on our status. So, after a miscarriage, you basically wait until your cycles become normal again. Now, mine were never normal to start with, so I just wait....and wait and wait.....As soon as things get going again, we are back to the clinic and back on the drugs (perscription of course). So, I am trying hard to just be patient. Our time will come....I know it......but until then, I hope to just be able to patiently get through the days......this is one aspect of my life that I cant control at all. Is that my lesson? Is this trying to teach me to let go of control? I just wish I understood all of this......